forever

forever means

until i get bored of you/it

forever means

until you dissappoint

forever means

unless i meet someone/something i think is better

forever means

untill the end of the day/week/month/year/some random date

forever means

untill i've made up my mind

forever means

as long as it benefits me

forever means

as long as you're good and healthy

forever means

untill your money runs out

forever means

since i have nothing else to do

forever and ever.

what is forever?

is there really such a thing as forever?

untitled

broken and so unworthy.

someone help me please.

That Day [Moment of Clarity]

That day, that day
What a mess what a marvel
I walked into that cloud again
And I lost myself
And I'm sad, sad, sad
Small, alone, scared
Craving purity
A fragile mind and
A gentle spirit
That day, that day
What a marvellous mess
This is all that I can do
I'm done to be me
Sad, scared, small, alone, beautiful
It's supposed to be like this
I accept everything
It's supposed to be like this

That day, that day
I lay down beside myself
In this feeling of pain, sadness
Scared, small, climbing, crawling
Towards the light
And it's all I see and
I'm tired and I'm right
And I'm wrong
And it's beautiful

That day that day
What a mess
What a marvel
We're all the same
And no one thinks so
And it's okay
And I'm small
And I'm divine
And it's beautiful
And it's coming
But it's already here
And it's absolutely perfect

That day, that day
When everything was a mess
And everything was in place
And there's too much hurt
Sad, small, scared, alone
And everyone's a cynic
And it's hard and it's sweet
But it's supposed
To be like this

That day, that day
When I sat in the sun
And I thought and I cried
'Cause I'm sad, scared, small
Alone, strong
And I'm nothing
And I'm true
Only a brave man
Can break through
And it's all okay
Yeah, it's okay

unable.

im trying real hard

but nothing seems to work.

i'm sorry,

for

not

being

the

person

that

you

want

me

to

be.

duan le de xiang

斷了的弦 再怎麼連
duan le de xuan zai zen me lian
我的感覺 妳已聽不見
wo de gan jue ni yi ting bu jian
妳的轉變 像斷掉的線
ni de zhuan bian xiang duan diao de xian
再怎麼接 音都不對
zai zen me jie yin dou bu dui
妳的改變 我能夠分辨
ni de gai bian wo neng gou fen bian

brown cow?

so


how


now??


*shruggs*

stinkin piece of me

i hate myself.

what do i have to offer?

what makes me me?

why do i get tossed around like a rag doll?

who are my friends?

who can i trust?

am i really so unimportant? so inconsequential? so unworthy?

words are so cheap, i can pay someone to say what i want them to say.

i hate myself. who am i? what do i have to offer anyone? Nothing.

boulevade of broken dreams

i tried to keep it within me
i tried to contain it
but the bitterness in me just slipped out
it was one of my dreams..
still a dream now but a broken one
a dear wish of mine
which you knowingly flaunt in front of me.
but its ok,
i give you the benefit of a doubt that you didnt know better.

nothing hurts as much as a broken dream being tossed around in front of you.

Your beautiful Soul

sigh...............................

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

Your beautiful soul
You might need time to think it over
But im just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon lets try

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do
I just wanna know if you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

You beautiful soul, yeah

resolutions

i refuse!

i refuse to think.[not excessively anyways]

i refuse to wonder.

i refuse to demand for something, anything. [who am i to make demands anyways??]

i refuse to let my curiosity get the better of me.

i refuse to worry about tommorow when theres enough to worry about for today.

i refuse to be depressed.

i refuse to make comparisons.

i just plainly refused.

* easier said then done * hmph *

poker and/or nonsence induced

sitting in an emptied out coffee shop
lights all on, a single fan spinning
various can drinks and shandung*bleah* kacang scattered around the table
emersing ourselves silly in reckless rounds of poker
with the loser indulging in the others disturbing whims of truth or dare
with yours truly being the receipient of a few obnoxious males attention !!
[what they made me do.. i wont say here.. but feel free to ask me when you see me.. *blush*]
but ahhh * the follies of our youth* = * memorable fun *

however on a more serious and thought~inducing note
issues of trust and love [ as i fervently believe that both coexist together] and intimacy
kept bouncing about most insistently in my small poker nonsence filled brain
the idea of my other half, my love of my life, my life partner having had more experience then me.. having had a more well.. shadier (?) past...
follies of youth i can understand and overlook but certain more intimate matters..im not sure...
i guess then it boils down to trust.. can i trust [him] to tell me all there is to know about [him] ??
as ive found out many many times already... having someones skeletons bounce out from the closet all of a sudden isn't very pleasent...especially if the door of the closet isnt opened by the skeletons owner *shudder*
i dont think i can trust anyone anymore. its sad but true.. i think..
thats the only explanation i can give for my feelings of insecurity, insufficiency and the lack of willingness to trust.
its times like these when i just hate myself.
*sighh*

conflicting properties / early morning rambles

it never ceases to astound me how we go through such conflicting emotions at the same time.
its like you're sad but happy..
you're enjoying youself but you still have the desire to leave that place of enjoyment..
what the???
so then the question/s is ... is one of the emotion stronger than the other? if so how would you know which one?and do you DO something about it..???
or perhaps this is one of the instances where im thinking 'out of the box' ..?? or isit.. im NOT thinking 'out of the box'...? errr.....
as my kindred spirit would say at this moment.. * i'm stumped * =P

for all who are hurting, frustrated and hanging by a thread..

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on

Don't let yourself go
Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
(When your day is night alone)
Hold on, hold on
(If you feel like letting go)
Hold on

If you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on
Cause everybody hurts

Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand
When you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you're not alone
If you're on your own
In this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
Of this life
To hang on
Well, everybody hurts
Sometimes, everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes
And everybody hurts
Sometimes
So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
(Everybody hurts You are not alone)

~Everybody Hurts ~ [TC]

babynemoboo

you speak of resentment and worthlessness.
both i cant help you with.
i cant take away the confusion, the bitterness, the insecurities, the endless drama.
i would give my life to make it all right and all better for you.
you mentioned not being worth it, but to me, that was never the issue;
the issue has always been with me, being too selfish,
too self-absorbed with my pain and my bitterness. im sorry.
if i could, i would give the world to make things nice and good for you.
because, as ive said so many times before
~ as long as you're happy.

so please, just believe, in yourself & in God.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
this song is for you.

Believe me now [SCC]

I watch you looking out
across the raging water
so sure your only hope
lies on the other side
you hear the enemy
that's closing in around you
and I know
that you dont have the strength to fight
but do you
have the faith to stand and
Believe me now
Believe me here
remember all the times Ive told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you
So Believe Me now
I am the One who waved my hnd
and split the ocean
I am the One who spoke the words
and raised the dead
and Ive loved you long before
I set the world in motion
I know all the fears you're feeling now
But do you remember who I am ?
Do you..
So believe Me now
Believe its true
I never have, I never will abandon you
and the God that I have always been
I will forever be
So believe Me now
I am the God who never wastes a single hurt
That you endure
My words are true
and all My promises are sure
So believe me now.

somedays

somedays she anxiously awaits a call, a word, anything

somedays she stares out into the big dark world and just dreams

somedays she goes about life in all its normality

somedays she just cries and curl up in her bed

somedays she sits and wonders about life, love and all her hopes and wishes

somedays she knows she should be doing something, anything but she just holds back

somedays she knows she should hold back but she doesnt and ends up hurting herself

somedays she sits and prays reallll hard for the wrong to be right for the bad to be good

somedays she just hopes.

Belief

Belief
Makes things real
Makes things feel
Feel alright
Belief
Makes things true
Things like you
You and I
Tonight, you arrested my mind
When you came to my defense
With a knife
In the shape of your mouth
In the form of your body
With the wrath of a god
Oh, you stood by me

Belief
Builds from scratch
Doesn't need to relax
It doesn't need space
Long live the queen and
I'll be the king
In the collar of grace
Tonight, you arrested my mind
When you came to my defense
With a knife
In the shape of your mouth
In the form of your body
With the wrath of a god
Oh, you stood by me

Belief
I'm going to yell it from the rooftops
I'll wear a sign on my chest
That's the least I can do

Tonight, you arrested my mind
When you came to my defense
With a knifeIn the shape of your mouth
In the form of your body
With the wrath of a god
Oh, you stood by me
And I'll stand by my Belief

[GD]

a search

nursing the leftover residue's of liqour, nonsensical doings and endless drama.

feeling the numbness of body , mind & spirit.

reminisces on the past year, on what was, what wasn't and what should have been.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

she stretches out her hand
trying hard to grab hold
of some of the hope and
promises a new year brings
she tries and tries
but it just seem so far away
almost unreachable..
unwilling to give up
she continues trying
for she knows that she needs that hope
to get her through this new year
this new year that at times seems so bleak
and so very uncertain
she looks, amidst despair and doubt
searching for the nearest hope that is within reach
she has to be cautious
she wouldnt want to mistakenly grab hold of despair
or its sister depression
then suddenly
she catches a glimmer
its not a very big glimmer
she pushes through and reaches out her hand
fighting against the doubt that is blocking her view
of that little glimmer of hope
although afraid
she grabs hold of that little glimmer
then bringing it close to her
she opens her hand
and a smile slowly starts
for in her hand
is a tiny rose bud
in the beginings of a bloom
the glimmer that she saw
came from the core of the bud
for as the tiny bud grows and blooms into
a beautiful red rose
the little glimmer
grows into some big
something full of good and
full of promises
something called
hope.
and so she waits
she tends and nurses this tiny bud
careful to not neglect it but to cherish it
giving it lots of care and love
as it slowly blooms and brings her
something she needs so very much
something that seemed to have escaped her grasp
sometime ago
and so she waits in expectation
she's no longer worried or fearful of what the new year will bring
for now she has something that will give her strength
to endure anything the new year throws at her
for she now has hope.
=)

Blessed New Year...God Bless YOU & YOU & YOU......