corazon

i often find myself
at a crossroad after each appointment
both literally and figuratively
i dont know what it is
about our partnership
that limits my ability
to perform the best that i can
more often than not
i dont do my best

if i arrive happy
i often end up leaving sad and frustrated
if i arrive feeling sorrowfull *pouts*
i end up leaving on top of the world
if arrive feelin neither
well... it can end up either way... i can never predict
i suppose it would boil down to my expectations
or maybe O u r expectations

sometimes i think that
because we get along oh-so-well
that state prevents me from being seriously-serious
but thats a(my) theory that isnt obviously shared
the consensus(if you can call one person that) is
well lack of effort and passion
is what that is keeping me from a spintwistsashay to the top

everytime i promise myself that ill put in more effort
work harder
leave with a bang and a red ribbon (ha!)
and everytime its still not enough
well seems like ive been given one more chance
and yet the pessimist in me is already shaken her head
"not at the rate You're going..."
which is true i suppose
one hour a week x 4
isnt gonna win me anything
i can only hope for a miracle
though i suppose
some practising wouldnt be too much ask...

(in)sanity

if only you knew
what those few words
mean to me
if you only knew
how much i try
to keep it all
the way i know you want it to be
if only you knew
how those words
keeps me going

it is as if
you are the firefly
that a little girl has caught in a jar
bringing light
to her darkened room at night
only to realise she has to let it go
when day breaks

life is fraught with uncertainty isnt it
full of dissapointing plans and broken promises
and yet
life is also filled with spasms of abounding light
smiles and sweet memories all around
they are what that has been keeping me going
and i will forever remember that

Damage Case

" We are all damaged it seems, some of us more than others.

Ultimately we all do damage;

and then we set about the business of fixing whatever we can."

~ Meredith Grey