If only..

"And I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do
There are so many thoughts in my head
There are two roads to walk down and one road to choose" ~ Thinking Over

If only it wasnt you
my heart contricts thinking of your pain
my soul aches to see you incomplete
my whole being longs to give you what you so desire
but i cant
at least not yet
at least now now
at least not until i am sure
not until i am able to
If only it wasnt You.

a thought..

One fire burns out another's burning,

One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish.

'Romeo and Juliet'
William Shakespeare

what doesnt kill you will make you stronger

its happening again
its starting again
and yet
its different this time
its so much more this time
so much more to say
so much more to feel
so much more to lose
or perhaps
can you loose something that you've lost before and havent totally gotten back?
if intuition is right once again
there is so much more at stake this time
and this time
there'll be no holding on
there'll be no risks, no regrets
there should be anger
there should be bitterness
and yet
there is only resignation.

a lesson

the greatest thing you ever learn is just to love and be loved in return...

not so revelation

i was just

mindnumblinglyresigned.

a heartfelt plea

dear you,

there are certain things in life that try as i might, persuade myself as hard as i can, i just cant share them with you. you might think that im selfish. you might think im making a moutain out of a molehill. but i think that you are just jumping from the pot into the fire. perhaps its me. perhaps im should be more certain of who am i. perhaps i should be more certain of what i have. but nothings ever certain isit. people change. circumstances change. even the weather changes. so i guess what is certain is change itself. tell me really, are you being true to yourself? if this what you really want? the path you really want to take? i thought you of all people would understand, would know, would stand by me. but really, its your choice. i cant help but wonder how you dont seem to realise all your thoughts and actions have lasting consequences. lasting consequences that are negative, that is heart breaking, that leaves a scar. if only i can say that what you're doing is wrong. if only i can blame you. but i cant. because its not your fault. because i suppose its what your heart desires. and who i am to prevent you of your hearts desires. i just hope. perhaps i should blame myself. if i was a better person. if i made better choices. if i can just let go. its my belief. i wont force them on you. i wont make you do something you dont want to or force you to feel somthing that you dont. but eventually i cant share. and im not sure if i will fight you for it. if i want to fight you for it.whatever happens in the future, you will always have a special place in my heart. i just need to say though, that im sorry. i could have been better for you. i could have been more to you. then perhaps we wouldnt have to fight. hopefully we still dont. when you smile, ill smile too. ah, perhaps thats how it would end.

all my love,
me.