on hindsight

perhaps what she really needed was someone to be her whole world
just one person that she can lavish her time, attention and l o v e on
one person that would build her up by his acceptance of her

perhaps what she really needed was someone who would be there for her
just one person to be there, physically, mentally, emotionally
one person that would help her add one to fivethousandandseventythreepointseveneight and to warm her up when she's cold

perhaps what she really needed was someone to idealise
just one person to lift up
one person to be her knight in dusty armour

why(?), you ask would she need these things..
well id say its so that she can depend on this one person
and ignore the rest out there who for their own reason
cant seem to be there for her
cant seem to understand her
cant seem to accept her
so that she wont experience the hurt when she isnt what they expect her to be
when she isnt feeling what they expect her to feel
when she isnt doing what they expect her to do
when she just isnt.

so that she can just live in her own lil world with that one person.
self-absorbed yes but at least happy.

But what she really needs isnt necessarily what she has and will get is it...

tempting karma

you're always think you're a good person
you dont lie (not without reason anyways)
you dont cheat (in all the ways that matters)
you dont murder ( well duh!!)
you treat your friends and family well
you go out of your way for the people you care about
the life turns around and bite you in the ass
and what can you say but 'lifes unfair & shit happens'

i never understood what it was about me
that causes people to see me as some sort of expendable play-thing
im so amusing to be with one moment
and the next
im lower then pond scum
i never understood what it was about me
that causes people to turn their backs on me
am i such a terrible person
that after taking what they can from me
they wipe their feet of me
and scramble back to their whatevers

im so tired
of having to watch my back
with every word i say
with every thing i do
i am who i am
must i pretend to be something else to keep your attention
must i only show you my good side to keep you happy
am i not like you, human with all sorts of emotions

i miss the ready smiles
the ever present jokes
i miss the obnoxious teasing
the superficial talk

=/

Yesterday

".... and we hope against all logic, against all experiences...

... like children we never give up hope.."

~ Meredith Grey

seeing r e d

who or what do you think off when you're feeling down and you need a lil pick me up.. sumthing just to make you smile?

who do you run to when you need someone to tell you everything w o n t be allrite but they'll love you all the same...?

nursing a glass of red
i tried to think of something,someone, some place.. that would break through this feeling of *bleah*
and for some reason i cant
the smile doesnt reach my eyes..
memories brought up *nah* cant even go there
i suppose thats why i brought out the red for ...
=/

*Cry Me a River*

Now you say you're lonely
You cry the whole night thorough
Well, you can cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you

Now you say you're sorry
For bein' so untrue
Well, you can cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you

You drove me, nearly drove me out of my head
While you never shed a tear
Remember, I remember all that you said
Told me love was too plebeian
Told me you were through with me and

Now you say you love me
Well, just to prove you do
Come on and cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you

I cried a river over you
I cried a river over you