a new hope dawns

some things however much you try
in whatever way possible
to avoid it, just doesnt happen.
BUT
its ok. im fine with it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i look forward to the day when i dont have to pretend anymore
i look forward to the day when i dont have to wonder anymore
i look forward to the day when i am living for me
i look forward to the day when all fear is gone
i look forward to the day when i can smile because i am happy
and not because i have to.
but most of all
i look forward to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you're right... there are no shortcuts..
but i am better. truly i am.
im enjoying my time back home. enjoying the company of family and friends.
you're right. thanks. =)

i'm waiting...

change brings hope

hope brings change

i think

what is suppose to be will be

what is not to be wont be

"Restless minds; curtain calls follow fanfares
Troubled hearts; just a walk down the hall
Restless hearts; you take a punch just to land one
Troubled minds; it's only fair after all" ~ GD

a choice was made, i dont understand it but i accept it, but it doesnt mean im satisfied by it.
because somehow i know that it is not the heart's true desire.
knowledge of familiarity? or gut instinct? or perhaps just blinded by my own insecurities?
it saddens me to see it crumpled and absorbed and worse still unavailable to me.
but however much it cuts into me, its not my choice
and that is the crux of it. its not my choice.

english lesson

i feel

choked

suffocated

cramped

asphyxiated

i cant bloody breathe.

*bleah*

i think too much..........

chariot

friends. they are the dearest things. people whom i love and who in turn love me back. im getting through each day mainly in big part knowing that there are those out there who would willingly drop all that they are doing to just lend a listening ear and/or a crying shoulder. people whom when you are stumped, confused and/or depressed are stumped, confused and/or depressed with you. people whom when you are happy, relieved and/or excited are happy, relieved and/or excited with you. people who would send me allllll the way back to my hse..which incidently isnt that far really, just 15 minutes...people who help you remember what the simple joys in life are. people who remind you that having a broken heart isnt the end of the world. people to laugh and do silly things with/at. people who accept your good parts and your bad parts. people whom you have really late nite conversations with. people who you need and who need you in return.

*A friend is one of God's most beautiful gifts*

my friends. they are a part of me. they are what made me the person i am today.
i love my friends!! i'm grateful for my friends. thank you God.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

oh chariot, your golden waves
are walking down upon this face
oh chariot, im singing out loud
to guide me by
Give me your: strength

follow through

i was a fool, i dont deny that.
to have worried about you
to have worried about what you would do without me
even now im filled with such idealism
but i see now, you have moved on
moved on to something better; for you
i dont blame you
i'm not angry
i'm filled with sadness
i'm filled with disappointments
all my dreams have turned into stones
but i know its not the end of the world
so my wish for you now is that
one day soon
you'll follow through
with every word you say
with every promise you make
with every hug and kiss you give
you'll follow through
for her.

[just friends ~ Gavin DeGraw]

i now know

i now know what is going on
i now know what he is feeling
i now know what i am to him
i now know what ive been doing
i now know that all that hope is finally dead
i now know what i have to do
i pray i have the strength, the courage and the heart(whatever is left of it) to do what i have to do.

untitled

i dunno what to do. i dunno what to do. i dunno what to do.

2 more months.

i dunno what to do. i dunno what to do. i dunno what to do.

blooody hell.

Psalm 13

How long, O Lord ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must i wrestle with my thoughts
and everyday have sorrows in my heart?
how long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me & answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or i will sleep in death;
my enemy will say " I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when i fall.

But i trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for he has been good to me.

home sweet home

i see your happiness
i feel your contentment
i read about your satisfaction
and i think to myself
what about me? what about my happiness? what about my contentment and my satisfaction?
what am i lacking to not have all those?
why isit different for me?

and then i feel
and then i remember
and then i see the reason
the reason why your home sweet home is so different then mine

the reason why
i dont have the joyful outings
the silly moments
the nothingness of days

this is home for me.
im glad its not the case for you.

intoxicated fool

so many questions , so few answers
i dont know what game you're playing
i dont know what game they are playing

if i said i missed you, what would you say?
if i said i loved you, what would you say?

i havent laughed like that for such a longgg time
i was intoxicated...
i am intoxicated.
i was a fool...
i am a fool.

i am an intoxicated fool. [someone save me please...]