poker and/or nonsence induced

sitting in an emptied out coffee shop
lights all on, a single fan spinning
various can drinks and shandung*bleah* kacang scattered around the table
emersing ourselves silly in reckless rounds of poker
with the loser indulging in the others disturbing whims of truth or dare
with yours truly being the receipient of a few obnoxious males attention !!
[what they made me do.. i wont say here.. but feel free to ask me when you see me.. *blush*]
but ahhh * the follies of our youth* = * memorable fun *

however on a more serious and thought~inducing note
issues of trust and love [ as i fervently believe that both coexist together] and intimacy
kept bouncing about most insistently in my small poker nonsence filled brain
the idea of my other half, my love of my life, my life partner having had more experience then me.. having had a more well.. shadier (?) past...
follies of youth i can understand and overlook but certain more intimate matters..im not sure...
i guess then it boils down to trust.. can i trust [him] to tell me all there is to know about [him] ??
as ive found out many many times already... having someones skeletons bounce out from the closet all of a sudden isn't very pleasent...especially if the door of the closet isnt opened by the skeletons owner *shudder*
i dont think i can trust anyone anymore. its sad but true.. i think..
thats the only explanation i can give for my feelings of insecurity, insufficiency and the lack of willingness to trust.
its times like these when i just hate myself.
*sighh*