being happy

Lately I've been wondering.. what really do we mean when we say we're happy ...(?)
what really do we mean when we say we have joy... (?)

Like a lightbulb that suddenly flashes above my head...
I've come to the realization that to be happy, is when,
even thought my life may not be at it's best,
it may not be what I had wanted it to be,
things are just too crappy for words,
when you just want to sink into the deep & dark pit of depression & self misery/pity....

being 'happy', in one sense [for me],
is when during those confounded, confusing, frustrating & depressing times, I still have hope, however little it may be, I'm still willing to fight and be strong, to overcome these trying times.

I am not an overly chirpy or optimistic person [ heck sometimes my sis says im too negative!]
But I have come to realise that I'm happy when I'm at peace with myself, at peace with how I'm handling my dark & frustrating circumstances & to realise also that I'm not alone in facing these seemingly dark & depressing times.

I mean, seriously, how DO You know when you are truly & genuinely happy (?)
as oppose to
being just accepting of your circumstances and hope that it goes away real soon...
I guess, for me,
It is when you have peace in you heart.
It is when there is hope in you.
It is when you just KNOW that you are not in this alone.

Am i making any sense?

For now, I am at peace & thus I am happy.

* By this, i dont mean that everything will be a total bliss onwards, but just that when times are tough & trying, i try to remember what being happy is... to a certain extent...